HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX INSTANTLY | NO HOPE THEORY | BREAKUP PSYCHOLOGY
How to Forget a Woman
There was life before this woman and there will be life after this woman, whether you see that now or not. Whatever it is, you need to move on with your life and start realizing that it's the only one you have -- so don't waste it being miserable. With a bit of time and distraction, you'll be able to see that she's totally forgettable and not worth your attention anyway. Start forgetting today by starting with Step 1 below.
Getting Rid of Reminders
Remove the temptation to contact her.The fact of the matter is that speaking to her will only make it worse. You'll be thinking about it day in and day out, so bite the bullet and get rid of it. Delete her number, your texts, her email, however it is you stayed in contact. When the temptation isn't there, you won't cave.
- It's important to notwantto cave either. Think of it this way: if you contact her, you'll be that guy on his knees, begging to be taken back. She'll tell her girl friends and they'll have a good laugh about it. Do you want to be that guy? No thank you! You have at least a shred of dignity after all.
Stay away from her social media.Technology is just about the worst when it comes to break ups. Apart from your phone and email, stay away from her Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and whatever other way you might find yourself wiling away the hours late at night over Taco Bell and Red Bull. You'll only see what shewantsyou to see anyway (she won't tag those photos of her dressing up her dog) -- you won't see what'sreallygoing on. There's no use in becoming a behind-the-scenes stalker just to see her life through a cyber filter.
- If you have to, get off of Facebook and the like entirely. You won't be missing much! In addition to not wasting hours of your life getting caught up on what your friends had for dinner, you'll be able to start living in the moment and getting things done.
If you have to be around her, don't make an effort.You probably met this girl at school, work, a common interest or through friends, right? As such, there may be times when youhaveto see her. Sucks, but that's the way it is. If this happens, be civil. If she talks to you, give her a curt reply like you would any acquaintance. Nothing more. She's just like everyone else.
- Don't put yourself in her line of fire in hopes that she talks to you or starts remembering how great you are. Not coming off as needy or available is what you want to be going for here. And why would you come off those ways? You have your own life to lead -- you're not going to mix it up just for her.
Go to new places.You had your Wednesday night hangout, you had the anniversary restaurant, you had Stir Fridays at Leo's house. All these things? They're gonna need to be put on the backburner for now. Wednesdays and Fridays are now for your billiards league and that restaurant was too expensive anyway. It's time to switch it up and fill your life with new people and new places.
- When you're literally in a new place, your mind will be in a new place. So use this as an excuse to explore a new neighborhood, a different Starbucks, a different route to work, a new running trail, whatever. You'll be forced to take in all this new stimuli, forcing the old out.
Clean out your space.All of her belongings need to go, in addition to everything that is just a reminder of her. That means photos and keepsakes from your time together, too. Heck, burn 'em. Throw it all in the trash. If you have anything of value, youcouldgive it back, but you definitely don't have to. What goes around comes around, you know!
- If it's too much to take, have someone else take care of it for you. They can help you gather up everything and get rid of it or give it back to her. There's no shame in not doing it yourself. Just have your friend drop it off on her doorstep when she's not home; no harm, no foul.
Spill.You may not be used to it, but talking about your feelings can (and is) incredibly cathartic. Not only will you feel better, but sometimes saying something out loud to someone puts it in a light you never saw before. It can make you realize you're being ridiculous or show you a side you didn't see before. Either of the situation or yourself -- either realization can be perspective-altering.
- The other person can be a good sounding board, too. If hearing your own words doesn't show you anything, their perspective on your situation just might. And a sounding board can be a great stress reliever, too.
Allow yourself to think about her, but not dwell.If someone said to you, "Don't think of a white elephant," what are you going to be thinking about? Exactly. A white elephant. To that end, telling yourself not to think about her is just going to get you to think about her more. So when she crops up, finish your thought, but don't dwell. Move onto something else.
- Make yourself move onto something else. Believe it or not, you have control of your thoughts. So the next time you see a peach pit on the ground and you start thinking of that one picnic you had, finish it and move on. Start thinking about the idiot who threw their peach pit on the ground when there's a trash can 5 feet (1.5 m) away. Save the environment, people!
Let go of anger.Because if you don't, here's what will happen:
- You meet a new woman who's nice, pretty, and likes you.
- You start a relationship with said new woman.
- You're angry and bitter from your last relationship.
- She dumps you because you're angry and bitter.
- The process repeats ad infinitum.
- In case it wasn't clear, this is not a cycle you want to get stuck in. Try to focus on what you have going for you, what you're grateful for, and just how awesome you are. Because seriously -- you have so much other stuff going on. So manybetterthings to think about than this.
Remember why you're not together.If life with her was absolutely hunky-dory, you'd still be together, point blank. Did she cheat on you? Did you fight all the time? Was the relationship just plain lacking the "it" factor? There are good reasons this happened. And they'regoodreasons because it leaves you with the ability to find a person this isn't a factor with.
- Half the reason you're not together is because you deserve someone better. Did you forget that one? Someone that sticks by through thick and thin. Someone that you gel with. And they're out there. They are.
Channel her flaws.Can't remember any? It's called "euphoric recall": when you can only remember the good.Take off your rose-tinted glasses and get to thinking. Did she have a big nose? Skinny legs? An annoying laugh? Never replaced the toilet paper? Terrible cook? You could probably rack 'em up if you thought long and hard enough.
- When you start thinking about great she was, make the effort to conjure up a bad memory. They're in there somewhere. Do you really want to deal with that crap again if you don't have to?
Give yourself time.Time may not heal all wounds, but it certainly is pretty good at burying them and letting you forget about them. In most situations, it's the solution. So stop beating yourself up -- these things don't happen overnight. You need time to heal. It sucks, but it's how it works. You'll muddle through until you wake up one day and realize that you forgot about her a while ago.
- The more time you spent with her, the more time you'll need. Simple logic. So if it's been a matter of weeks, the end is near. If it's been years, cut yourself some slack. Your heart and mind will heal themselves in time.
Learn from your mistakes.Once all that bitterness and regret are gone, you can make room for learning from your mistakes. Why did you break up? Why was she not compatible with you? What will younotdo next time?
- This is as important a step as any. Without this one, this will just be a vicious cycle you put yourself through with every woman you encounter. It's necessary that you learn the traits you need in a woman and what makes you happiest -- and what makes you miserable.
Finding Closure and Peace
Spend more time with friends and family.Right now, you need some serious distraction. Spending time home alone will just open the floodgates for thoughts that won't get you anywhere. So seek out your social network. Call up a few friends and make plans for this weekend. Go have lunch with your mom -- she probably misses you, anyway. Jam pack your schedule so much that you don't have time to think about her.
- It may seem like the best way to spend your time is balled up under the covers, eating Ben and Jerry's and not getting out of your pajamas for days. While this is very tempting, you won't realize how good getting out will feel until you do it. So even if you don't feel like doing anything social, force yourself. You'll probably be glad you did.
Have a rebound.So it's not the best advice -- and if it's not your style, don't heed it -- but having a fling can be one of the best distractions you can give yourself. Just make sure the new girl knows it's a fling! No use breaking hearts left and right -- karma is rarely forgiving.
- Be safe. You don't want to turn into an emotionless, hedonistic player. A rebound is good -- going to the bar every night and waking up next to strange women is not. So find a girl who wants just to have a bit of fun and take advantage of it. It'll show you just how many fish in the sea there are.
Rediscover an old hobby or passion.When you were in a relationship, you probably let a whole bunch of other things suffer. Your time was taken up and you didn't have anything to do the things you once enjoyed. Bring those back! What have you let slide recently that you'd like to pick back up? You'll be so much happier doing what you love and getting good at it. You'll feel accomplished, renewed, and full of direction.
- Don't know what your passion is? Find it! Use this free time to step outside your box and find out what gets you going. When's the last time you felt completely fascinated and in your element? Talk about distracting!
Exercise.You know what's gonna make you feel good? Knowing you're hotter now than you were when you were with her. So start exercising and pumping that iron. And that's not to mention the fact that it'll get your endorphins going!
- When your blood starts pumped and your endorphins are flowing, you feel good. If gnawing your own arm off released endorphins, it'd feel good. So take a cue from your body and exercise. You'll be healthier, happier, and you'll look great, too.
Live up the single life.It's easy to forget how wonderful being single can be. You get to do whatever the heck you want, whenever the heck you want, however the heck you want, with whomever the heck you want. You can get up at a moment's notice and change plans and be adventurous. Awesome!
- Go out on weekends and stay out till 3 AM with your friends. Take a spur of the moment road trip cross country. Spend all your money on yourself. Gorge on french fries without shame. Apply for a job internationally. Take chances, risks, and do something just for you.
Sources and Citations
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