We will learn to say "no"!
Think about how often you had situations in your life when, due to the unspeakable in time "no", you had to feel uncomfortable, nervous, finish work for someone, or give up your own plans for the benefit of others?
If such cases happen to you all the time, then it’s time to think about it, after all, to trouble-free people it’s not so good in the world, rather, on the contrary. Just think: why is the word “no” so difficult to pronounce? How is it different from the familiar and convenient "yes"?
It is much easier for some people to agree, and let it be followed by numerous difficulties, but he did not offend anyone, did not let him down and tried to help.
In fact, it is important and necessary to learn to say "no", because people who from the very childhood could not refuse often have huge difficulties with self-realization, work and family, because they will like when his husband, wife or best friend - rag?
It is a rag, do not be surprised, if you think that without refusing to anyone, earning yourself positive points, you are deeply mistaken.The surrounding people, because of your responsiveness and constant reliability, cease to respect you, your help and the constant use of your “services”, in most cases, are taken for granted.
For example, if your colleague constantly asks for help with annual reports, and a friend constantly pushes her children to an evening “care” while she is trying to arrange her personal life, then most likely, hardly one of them feels indebted to you.
If you constantly feel that you live someone else's lives, doing someone else's work and coping with other people's duties, then you have a hard but feasible work on yourself. But how to learn to say “no” to people, if you have never done this?
After all, you have time to sit with the children, and it is very important for a friend to find another “father” for them. Don't you have to arrange your life? Maybe it's time to think about your own children? A colleague will sit on this report for a week, and he has a sick mother, playful children and other worries, and I can handle it if I sit for a couple of nights in just a few days!
Remember, everyone has their own problems and concerns, elderly parents and responsibilities in the family, only for some reason, someone frees himself extra time at the expense of someone, and specifically you.
You, instead of going to your parents or just relaxing, sit on other people's papers. Is that right?
The saddest thing is that trouble-free people, in most cases, understand that they have once again been taken advantage of, however, an understanding of this comes already after it was once again said “yes” and it will not work out.
On the basis of powerlessness and inability to do something with his “gentleness”, a person becomes withdrawn and unfriendly, he does not want to meet once again a person who can again ask for something. In his opinion, it's easier to disappear than just say "no." Why can't I refuse?
Why is it always, even when the head understands that you do not need to once again for someone to do an abstract or a lab paper, do you still take on this useless occupation for yourself? How to say "no" without worrying that after that the whole habitual rhythm of life will fall apart and turn into something terrible?
Why can't I say no?
- "I have free time, but someone does not have it." As we said above, if a person, according to him, does not have free time, then he simply does not know how to plan it.No, of course, there are unforeseen situations in which to refuse to help will be wrong, but if requests and constant “force majeure” are repeated day after day, this is an occasion to think that you are simply being used.
- You expect to receive some gratitude for your help. Unfortunately, people who are used to living with constant outside help rarely think about the fact that they owe something to someone. Think about it, have you ever asked them about anything? Did they help you? It is unlikely, because you probably used to solve their problems on their own.
- "I'm afraid of a possible negative reaction." Sometimes people are just afraid to say “no”, because in response they may face offenses, anger, misunderstanding, and, perhaps, loss of companionship with this person. But you think about the fact that it is impossible for everyone to like and be good. Either there is someone dissatisfied, or you completely dissolve in someone else's life, and completing someone else's annual reports, sitting with other people's children and helping with someone else's repairs. Remember, if a person values you, loves and respects, then your "no" will not be perceived as a bloody offense, but will simply be accepted as a given.And those who turn away, do not worry, do you need people who value you only for your reliability?
- It seems to you that you can not do without you and your help. Remember, a friend from work will find a way out of the situation and either ask someone else, or, finally, will find time and do everything himself. A girlfriend will stop walking at night and, finally, will start giving time to their own children. And maybe find another girlfriend nurse. In any case, remember, they will cope without you, there are no irreplaceable people.
How to learn to say no?
If you are fully convinced that failure-free life is ruining your life, you suffer from this, but you can not do anything about it, so it's time to learn this insidious and complex word "no." How to refuse?
Is it possible to do this without offending, because, as you say, you can also refuse in different ways. In addition, it is very important not to overdo it: for example, if the first time in several years of friendship asked you to help her to transport things to the dacha, then it's probably worth not refusing. And if such requests are repeated systematically, then this is a different conversation.
To get started, take care of yourself: learn to say "no" at least in front of a mirror, pronounce it 10-15 times every day, slowly and with confidence.It should not sound like a request, there should not be a shiver and uncertainty in the voice, clearly and calmly - “no”.
When you learn to say “no” in front of a mirror, you can proceed to action. To get started, learn how to deny little things: stop shopping when buying things just because you are not comfortable with refusing an intrusive seller, refuse a relative to go with him to the exhibition or to any other place again if you really don’t like it.
Learn to argue your answer and express your feelings, for example, “I don’t like this place, so I'm sorry, but I won’t go with you.” After you learn how to deny small things and everyday things, it will be easier for you to cope with more complex and weighty situations.
Remember, your “no” should not sound defiant, rude or rude, yet you do not want to offend or send a person back home. Calmly and confidently, because you are definitely convinced that you are right, your time, money and work are only yours, so you don’t have to share it with someone else, especially if you don’t want to do it at all.
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