My eight-year-old daughter is a perfectionist and tortured everyone with hysterics and envy.
Although she is a clever girl, crying because she cannot solve an elementary task, she is hysterical, throws books, pens, beats herself on the head and calls names, if something does not come out, gets offended and envies her friends who learn better than her, showing aggression even to the younger sister (5 years), if the one that succeeds, as she thinks, is better. Zatsiklin on positive marks, while not wanting to work on himself to improve the results, but only hysteria, if that does not go literally on the first attempt. I do not understand where she got this from, because we never demanded from her to be better or perfect, but we were not scolded for grades, on the contrary, encouraged if she studied well. Criticism and comments daughter does not tolerate. I am simply frightened by her cynical statements and such aggression towards myself and my close ones, sometimes I scold her for this and I don’t know how to react to this at all, no explanations help. What should I do?
You did not indicate the age of your daughter, therefore it is difficult for me to analyze her behavior. Perhaps it is hormonal surges, if it is from 9 to 12 years old, and nothing like it happened before. It was at this time that the girls begin to look closely at themselves as a woman. Seeing the reflection in the mirror is not always suitable and satisfying it, she begins to compensate for her dissatisfaction with her appearance with something else. For example, to be the best in school, sports, singing, dancing and so on. And if nothing happens there, then self-esteem falls, and neuroses begin. Unstable hormonal background only aggravates all this. On the day this is the same perfectionism - only we call it transient. This occurs in almost all girls during puberty. Someone copes with this, but someone needs help. We must convince the girl of her uniqueness. If there are problems with the skin (acne) or weight, height, appearance, reduce to specialists - now everything is corrected. It may be necessary to switch attention from school to something else — singing, dancing, modeling, etc. Often, study is the only available method for a child to prove to himself and others that you can do something. Throw these more methods to her.There are so many interesting things around where she can show herself. A visit to the gynecologist is also necessary, or, if that word scares you, then an endocrinologist. It is necessary to pass tests for sex hormones. Sometimes it is enough to drink light sedative affinity, and everything is normal.
If problems of this nature are from the birth of a child, this is possible, and perfectionism as a characteristic of thinking. That is true. It is based on a desire for praise, sometimes fear. Here, here you have to think for yourself what is missing in the child. Little praise? Or intimidated and convinced that she was nothing. We are sometimes dry with encouragement and praise, believing that it should be so, but to scold and call it "mediocrity" is please. Children need to praise. For all. We must say what they are smart, good, talented - this is their salary for work. Do not be afraid to praise out. If something the child did not work, nothing. Prove that you will not succeed from the first time, this is normal, not everyone should succeed, otherwise there will be no talents or geniuses. Find in your child the ability for something that will give him pleasure, which is given the easiest.Switch his attention from studying to other things that he did not notice. Be a friend to him. Explain that there are items in school that are easy to get, and there are items that are more difficult. This is normal. In the end, the best people come from troechnik, because they are not scattered by their health and strength for everything, but focus on the main thing for themselves.
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